zh-chs nl fr de el it ja ko pt ru es



Info Pages

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Coming Out

Here are some Questions to Ask Yourself Before Coming Out. We recommend you think about these in regards to your own personal circumstances – everyone and everyone’s family is different so only use this info if you think it will work for you. Take time to think about this;


1. How sure are you about your sexual attractions and sexuality?

“Are you sure?” is one of the most common questions you will be asked. It’s OK if you aren’t sure, but you might need to answer the question with confidence. Tell them if you are sure. Tell them if you aren’t 100% sure, but assert that you can’t ignore the feelings you are having. Another question often asked is “how do you know?” –how do straight people know that they are heterosexual? It’s just how you feel and who you are. It’s important to be honest about that if you are ready to be and won’t be put in an unsafe situation if you are.

2. How comfortable are you with your sexuality

If you are having feelings of guilt or depression, seek some help in understanding those feelings before coming out to loved ones. Contact Dani on This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or check out the Mental Health, Support and Community Info sheets to find out about linking in for some help.

3. Do you have support?

If your family’s reaction may not make you feel good, you need to find someone or a group that you can turn to for emotional support and strength.

4. Are you knowledgeable about homo-/bisexuality?

Many people’s responses will be based on stereotypes and myths about gay, lesbian or bisexual people. Reading up on the subject will mean you can more confidently respond to these sorts of questions. Check out our Links, Glossary, FAQs and the rest of this Info section.

5. Do you have available resources?

Contact us at FC or go to the Downloads part of this website section for the ‘Someone You Love’ booklet to give to family and friends of LGBT people. It’s also useful to have the contact number for your local PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians And Gays) so they can get peer support if they want it, and the details for a counsellor who will be unbiased and knowledgeable about diverse sexuality. Contact FC (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.) to get info on good, LGBTIQ-friendly counsellors.

6. What is mood like at home?

If you have the choice for when to come out, consider the timing. Try not to tell people during an argument or use your news as a weapon for shock value. This will only distance people and catch them during an aggressive and/or defensive moment.

7. Can you be patient?

People often need time to deal with and process this sort of thing if they don’t expect it. Just as it can take time for us to accept our own sexuality, it can take our loved ones time to accept and understand our diverse sexuality. If/when you decide to tell someone close to you, be prepared to give them time to adjust and comprehend this new information about you. Try to hang in there while they get over any initial shock of finding out they didn’t know everything about you.

8. Are you financially dependant on the people you whant to tell?

If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing any financial support or forcing you out of where you live, you may choose to wait until they do not have this pressure to hold over you. You need to think about the advantages and disadvantages.

9. What are their general views about GLBTIQ people?

Depending on your relationship with someone, you may already have a good idea about their views and feelings about sexual diversity. Use this knowledge to consider how much info or support you may need if/when you decide to tell them about your feelings and/or sexual identity.

10. Is it your decision to tell someone?

Yes it is! This is a personal decision that should be yours, though unfortunately this is not always the case. Try not to feel pressured by people who think everyone must come out or by snooping people who ask unwelcome questions.